Baby, It's Cold Outside

At the moment, even though it's August 15, I'm wrapped up in a blanket, curled up into a ball. This computer has a weather report on the bottom of the screen telling me it's 48 degrees outside. I enjoy summer because I can sit outside without worrying that I am going to freeze. This is unacceptable!!!

But the irregular weather has inspired me.

Firstly, I realize that this is only my third entry, and I started Anna's Corner in June. I've tried to write in this a thousand times, but I never post any of it because I always chicken out. Sorry... I'll try to work on that.

Anyway.

While I was trying to fall asleep, it was too cold so I lost myself in reflection; I thought about how school was coming up and what I had learned in the past three months. I replayed some of the most important moments of my summer and two stuck out. I want to mention these occasions: The week everyone went to Mexico but me, and Glendo.

My parents don't understand mission trips. I first asked if i could go in December, hoping that planning so early would put Mexico in the cards, but they said no. I fought them about it even until after everyone got back. The week that the youth group left was the same week that one of my other best friends was going on vacation. So I was left alone.
That sounds kind of nice at first, doesn't it? A chance to hang out with your family and have some 'you' time... But it wasn't like that.

You see, I have a weird relationship with my parents (who doesn't?). They don't like that I am so involved with Colorado Ridge and they won't come to church with me, even on Christmas. When my sisters aren't home, which is the whole school year excluding the holidays, we are each in our own worlds. Mine is church and homework, theirs is work and television. Our relationships are dormant. I get out of the house as much as I am allowed to so that I don't have to face the quiet in our household. I filled that gap up with involving myself in as many other things as I could and tried not to let anyone know why.

So when my sisters came home, shortly before everyone left for Rancho, they noticed how none of us ever communicated outside of the half-hearted 'how was your day' conversations. I suppose you could say they were a little frustrated.

While everyone was in Mexico but me, my sisters ended up pointing out every single thing they thought my parents did wrong and focused in on it. A good idea? Doubt it. In one night, everything I didn't like about them was magnified beyond I care to discuss.
Needless to say, I was angry at them. And even a little angry at God. I compared my mom and dad to other parents and i despised how they weren't there for me the way i wanted them to be. I don't know of too many other Christian teens in my shoes (even though I'm sure you're out there) and i began to wonder, why me?

It wasn't until Glendo that anything changed.

Cobble gave his message on the last night. He told us we could do anything if it was God's will. I thought it was God's plan for me to go to Mexico. I had been preparing myself all year for it. But my parents just didn't understand. Why were my parents hindering me from doing God's will?

After everyone left the beach, Gabe led some extra worship. I wanted to sing along, but I couldn't. I was mad at God and I didn't want to start crying; I didn't want to face the problem that had been eating at me all summer.

I got up after one song and walked to the campfire. I sat down and looked around. I knew that everybody there has gone through trials with their families. My pessimistic side took hold of me and I accused everyone of putting on a mask and not dealing with their problems. But when I looked around again, none of them SEEMED secretly angry like I was. All of them were laughing, talking, and eating s'mores. That was when it hit me.

They didn't have a mask on. They were all living examples of divine healing.

My problems are petty compared to those in other families. But even kids in worst-case scenarios were sitting around that campfire, laughing, talking, and eating s'mores. Even if my parents aren't the parents I would like them to be, I've come this far without parental supervision of my spirituality.

After that night, I learned what it felt like to 'give my problems to God.'

And right now, I don't think I've talked to my parents for more than a collective minute or so today.

But this is how my family is. So we're bad at connecting with one another, big deal. Apparently, I didn't need my parents to guide me to finding Jesus. If I couldn't do it on my own, God wouldn't have made it that way.
That was God's plan, to give me these parents, and it wasn't his plan for me to go to Mexico this summer after all. But I know that now, and because He didn't let me go, I've accepted how my parents are.

Even if things aren't perfect in our lives, we can't let them hinder us from growing. That would just be unacceptable, just like how it's 48 degrees in mid-August.