Penitence

            I know that I believe in love. And when I say the big, fat L word, I don’t mean the romance novels or sappy movies. I mean love, the most simple, yet to me, the most intense verb (and noun) out there. Of course your parents and pastors teach that one needs to love their neighbor. I find it way more complex than that.

            It’s easier to love a stranger I think. When one sees a homeless man on the street, their heart goes out to them and subconsciously pats their pockets for loose change. It’s easy to watch a few documentaries and feel absolutely disgusted by the acts of violence that are going on in the world. And it’s especially more gripping when we see children in other nations with out a full belly or home.

            It’s easy to sit in a small group, or a class room, and listen to a new member tell something vulnerable about themselves and think, “man they have guts.” It’s easy to say, “I feel sorry for them,” or defend them from upcoming predators.

            It’s easy to look at the “innocent” and give a gentle smile and help them back on their feet.

            It’s so easy to love when someone isn’t close to you.

            Say for example, your friend tells a lie about you and it spreads around the school. The rumor probably really didn’t reach every single student, but it sure does feel like it. You feel upset and confused. Why did they do that? Did you do something wrong that they wanted revenge or something?

            Did you forget that your friend’s parents are going through a nasty divorce and the friend has to witness it every night their constant fighting? You’re friend had believed that their parents were so in love for many years, but they were just acting in front of them? All of the sudden, their life is so mixed up, your friend sees that they have no control over anything. On top of that, no one at schools really seems to understand because they believe that their problem is unique. They want to confide with their friends but they don’t want to seem weak, or that they can’t handle what’s going on. We all want to be strong. We all want to be an influence to someone else.

            So, they create a rumor because they can control the situation. Even better, they chose their friend because when we’re gong through something, we always end up attacking those close to us because they will forgive you and in enough time, comfort you.

            Human’s really don’t try to dig deep into the reasons why people do the things they do.

            And why would we? We’re so involved with our own lives and what we find is important. How many of us can say that we truly put others in front of ourselves?

            We all have an incentive. It’s sad, but true.

            We can all say that we’re those types of friends

            I know I’m not. I’m ashamed to know that I am not that person who cares about everyone in my school, neighborhood, or church.

            But can I? I’m asking for an extremely hard commitment. I have no doubt in my mind that there will be days that I’ll see someone looking upset and think that there will be another person who will help them out.

            I would look over about every ten seconds at her. I watched her battle inside herself and order that she didn’t cry in the class. Because if she did, she would look susceptible and people would think of her as pathetic. Not only that, but then she’d actually have to speak out loud why she was upset and probably cry.

            We couldn’t have that. We couldn’t have a moment to actually let out an emotion. Way to go completely opposite of a social norm.

            I can’t believe I did that. I am actually appalled that I did that.

            And just two hours before hand, I read a story that a woman wrote. She was writing about how she believes in sticking her nose in other people’s business (now not exactly what you’re thinking about because when I read those words, I imagine a woman peeking into my kitchen window and smiling awkwardly at me). The reason why she felt strongly about that? A boy down the street from her was shot and killed by his father and then he shot himself. When interviewed, everyone gasped and said that they had no idea what problems were going on in that household.

            And even though this girl’s problem was a little less dramatic, it was still a problem that I could have helped her out on. And then by helping her, we both could have prevented the effects that will now, unfortunately, take place.

            All because I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable to go up and ask her what was going on with her.

            How beautiful 1 Corinthians declares about love, but how apathetic our hearts beat listening to it. Have we heard this passage too many times in our lives that it doesn’t have a stir inside of us anymore? Are we to impatient or careless for what He says about love?

            It’s so easy for me to feel for those outside of this country, for those that I don’t know what their first names are. And even though they are just as important, I have lost touch with people around me, people who are going through their own turmoil in their lives that I have shut my heart on.