Friends vs. Faith Part 2

You might want to check out Faith vs. Friends Part 1 for all of this to make sense...

The Monday after Faceplant, I felt changed. I walked into school all ready to face him. I planned to have this happen quickly, anxious to get it all done with. Let me just say this. The whole getting it done quickly thing was way more easier said then actually done. It took me a long time to say what I needed to say, partly because I was trying to work up the courage, and mostly because I kept being cut off by a long stream of cussing after I said “I really need to talk to you alone.”

In the end I basically told him that I could not be around someone who acted the way he did,  that I would be there for him if he ever needed me, and that I would always care about him, but until he straightened up his act, I wanted nothing to do with him. Harsh, I know, but it worked. It wasn't immediate, but, eventually, all of the old friendships he had worked to build started falling apart. People he had been really close with started leaving him and he realized that the new people he was hanging out with were really messing him up.

About a month before school let out, we sat down and really talked for the first time since Faceplant. He told me that he hadn't really realized how much he had grown apart from God, and while he still had his new friends, he wanted that relationship. He also told me that what I had said that one day was a wake up call for him, and for the longest time he just didn't want to accept it. He finally opened his eyes once he saw the sin that was surrounding him, and he had no idea what to do about it.

We started helping each other again. He showed me how to be more accepting while not turning my back on what I believed in. He taught me that God really does make everything happen for a reason. For the longest time I was so mad at God for letting him become someone that I could hardly look at. In some ways I hated myself too for not doing anything, for just standing on the sidelines watching by best friend destroy everything that he had worked so hard for. But then it dawned on me that this was God's way of showing me that sometimes we really do need to let go and take a breather. Sometimes God wants us to take a step back and look at what's happening from a different point of view before we can truly see what we were meant to do.

McKenna shared a Bible verse with our small group that week that really struck me. Romans 14:1-4 says, (in a shortened version) “Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment. Who are you to judge another's servant? To his own master he will stand or fall; and he will stand, for the Lord will make him stand.”

So, we started repairing our friendship. For about a week it went well, but once again he started falling back into his old habits. I tried again and again to avoid going back to where we were, but I couldn't stop it. I realized that there was nothing in my power to do, so as ashamed as I am to say it, I just gave up on him.

So now, here I am. I'm faced with that same question again. When someone you care about deeply does nothing but hurt you, should you push them away, or pull them in closer? We've barely spoken over the summer, except him occasionally emailing me asking me when I'll be done being mad at him. And to tell you the truth, I'm not so sure if I really have an answer to that one. Over the past two years I've learned so much. I've learned that having faith means more than going to church every week (for the past two years he's only missed his Sunday service a handful of times.) It means more than sticking by your friends no matter what (when I did, I started going downhill too.) I've learned that having faith and truly believing in God means that sometimes you have to take that Leap of Faith and make some really tough decisions (I've defiantly had my fair share of those.) And strangely, I've learned that sometimes the best thing to do for someone is to let them go.

School is approaching quickly and I'm sacred of what will happen this year. Should I try to let him back into my life? If I do I have a feeling that I will end up putting everything out on the line. I'm scared that by letting my guard down, I'll become that person I was before Faceplant, the person I would do anything to never become again. But at the same time, what if I really could help him? What if this will be the year I get the old him back? What if, what if, what if! What if by ignoring him and treating him like just another human being I miss out on helping him? What if by helping him, I end up doing more harm than good?

For now, I think I'll just sit back, relax, pray, read the Bible and pray some more. I will no longer search for the answer myself. Instead I will do one of the scariest yet one of the most sensible things I have done in a long time. I will leave it up to God.